Demon's in the Closet
by Fang-delight
Summary: Everyone has an inner demon.


Warning: This is one of the darkest fic's I ever wrote, but may it be warn it just had to be done.

* * *

I wouldn't say we were friends.

As a matter of fact we weren't anything _close _to being friends. But it wasn't like I didn't felt what she felt.

Everyone has their heart broken once in their life. It was something that just couldn't be stopped, no matter how much scientist's study it, or try to cure it. Everyone has gotten hurt at some point in their life. And that was something we couldn't hide from.

But she didn't see it that way. She was always running trying some place to hide, so she wouldn't have to deal with it. I knew this, because I watched her.

She was always there at the coffee shop at six' am in the morning. I never knew why she liked to get up that earlier. But I guessed it was easier to think. Barely anyone was there at this time of day, so it was just mostly her.

I caught her one day, when I had played at a concert all night. I performed till midnight, than I went to the after party till morning. I always invited as many people as I could to the after parties. Of course Geoff always came, following Bridget and sometimes DJ, Lindsay, and Owen even Eva came once in a while. I liked that. I liked that everyone came. It was nice knowing people would come and support you no matter what. But _she_ never came.

Sometimes I thought it was because Gwen and Duncan would come once it a while. But that wasn't it. She just liked the peace and quiet.

I remember I got there, trying to dull a hangover over a small beverage of coffee. That's when I saw her she was hiding in a small corner of the coffee shop, as far away from any of the customer's. At first I was shocked, no one has seen or heard from her since the show. But there she was sipping her coffee, pulling her grey hood over her head, covering most of her features. At first I wonder why she did that, than I discovered she just didn't liked how she looked. Her skin looked slightly paler, her nose looked red like she's been sneezing all day, there were dark circles under her eyes, but worst of all her eyes just looked…dead…there was no anger or mystery burning through them, like they used too. Just…_gone_…

At first I wasn't sure whether I should approach her or not. So I sat a table across from her just staring as she sip her coffee, then rubbing her arms together like they were cold. Though the weather was in great condition outside, she just always looked cold. At some point, I expected her to look and find me staring, and maybe yell at me for being a stalker, or anything. But she never looked up.

So I kept coming every morning at six' am, and there she was hiding in that small corner, sipping her coffee. It went like this for weeks.

I didn't know why I bothered, we never were friends. But somehow I always end up sitting a table across from her in that coffee shop. I felt like I was stalking her, like I was some creeper watching a girl drink her coffee. This is probably what Gwen meant away long time ago. Funny thing is it was the thought of Gwen that made me talk to _her _for the first time.

I still talked to Gwen she was still my friend after all. And it was nice, I moved on, and she moved on. And that's the exact thing we were talking about over the phone the day before I talked to _her_.

"I'm so glad we can talk like actual normal people. I hate how some couples just end up hating each other after a break up!" Gwen exclaimed over the phone.

"Yeah!" I laughed, "Not a lot of people can stay friends."

She sighed, "I know Duncan would try if he saw Courtney again. Even though he won't admit it."

I paused as she said that, I could have told her that he could try. I could have told her she was always at that coffee shop at six in the morning. But I didn't, Duncan didn't need to see her like that. And Courtney couldn't see Duncan the way he was with Gwen.

So that's when I did it. I got up and sat with _her _in that lonely corner. I thought she didn't know I was there, after ten minutes of silence. She never looked up at me instead she took a small sip of her coffee before saying. "You know I could have a restraining order against you for the weeks you've been stalking me."

And that's what started it, at first it wasn't much. She barely spoke or looked at me. I talked most of the time, I told her a bunch of different crap about me, about other people. Sometimes she would nod, or chuckle but never say a lot. Which wasn't like her. And it scared me.

Till finally one glorious day, she said to me. "Why are you here?"

I was in the middle of a sentence, talking nonsense to her till she caught me off guard. She actually looked at me, moved her hood down staring at _me. _I was shocked I didn't know what to say, "Wha…what?"

"Why are you here?" She demanded, her voice sounded anger. And it was the first time she actually sounded like her.

"What…what do you mean?"

"Why are you here with _me_?" She looked like she desperately needed to know. Having her coal black eyes stare after me.

"I – I don't know."

She growled getting up from her seat, and walking out the door.

Honestly I didn't know; I didn't know why I even bothered with her. She never gave me a reason to come every morning. It wasn't like she wanted me there either.

But I suspect otherwise as the next day came, and I saw _two_ coffees at her table.

She looked up at me as I talked, voicing her comments now and then. Though they were cruel it was a start.

They were cruel because she was cruel. No matter how much she tried to hide it, she was a cruel person. But not all the time.

Sometimes she laughed, and I liked that. It was cute. Sometimes she was funny, and sometimes she was sincere, and sometimes she was Courtney.

She never questioned me again until _it all_ started to happen.

It was an average day we were sitting at her table sipping coffee. When I was telling her about one of my, after parties.

"Okay so Geoff was _so_ wasted but he promised Bridget that he wouldn't get drunk at all. So me and Duncan try-"

That's when all the blood dropped from her face, and her laugh was gone. She didn't say anything to me she just got up and left.

I didn't know what I did to make her upset, till I recalculated my words. I said Duncan's name. That was something we never talked about. Not once have I ever mention Gwen or Duncan, fearing the aftermath. And I was right. I didn't mean to do it on purpose, it just slipped out.

But I still came the next morning, I didn't know if she would show up or not. But she did, but instead of two coffees, there was one, and she was back to where I saw her in the beginning.

I don't know what made me snap? But for some reason I had an enough. I had an enough of her quietness, I had an enough of her loneness, and I had an enough of her _depression_! I marched right up to her practically slamming the chair across from her, though she didn't flinched, which ticked me off even more.

"Take the hood off." I said quietly,

She didn't look at me, "No-"

"-Take the _damn _hood off _Courtney_." I growled at her, she did it, but slightly irritable.

"What do you want?" She demanded,

"Let's talk about you." I suggested,

Her expression was still irritable with an inch of confusion. "What are you-"

"We never talk about you Courtney. So let's talk. How ya been?" I didn't know what point I was trying to get across from her. All I knew is I was damn sick of her attitude, and I just wanted the real Courtney back.

"Go away Trent!" She growled,

"No! We always talk about me Courtney. I never hear much about you!"

"I said _go away_!" She was shouting now, and it really didn't matter. We were the only ones at the shop, other than the workers who were probably scared of the shouting. But I didn't much care to that, neither did she.

She was extremely upset even getting up from her seat. I knew that move she was going to leave, and I _definitely_ was not going to let her do that. "Sit down Courtney!" I demanded,

"No!" She yelled, "Why should I listen to you-"

"Damn it Courtney! You're going to act like a child! I'm going to treat you a child! Now stop your whining and _sit your ass down_!"

She sat practically slamming her - self to the chair. We didn't anything, both trying to calm our breathing. I didn't mean to lose my temper on her. I usually was in great control over my anger, but Courtney always brought the most in people. When I heard a sniffle coming from her, that's when I felt the guilt. I didn't mean to yell at her, she didn't deserve it, I was just being selfish. I was just tired of seeing her so broken, that I just…sort of…snap…I never meant to hurt her.

I sighed, "Courtney." I breathed, she didn't deserve this. I should have never said anything, I was about to apologize when her voice interrupted mine.

"Why are you here Trent?" She asked,

"Court-"

"Why are you still here?" She didn't look at me trying to hide her expression. But I didn't need to see it anyway. Her voice, there was no anger, or sadness, she was _pleading _with me.

"Why are you of all people here with _me_?" She pleaded, "After all the cruel things I said to you! Why do you come every morning? Why do you bother talking to me? _Why are_ _you_ _still here_?"

She looked at me with tears leaking through her eyes, I did nothing but stare at her. As she tried, to wipe them away. Slowly I reached out to grab her hand, she flinched at my touch. But to my luck she didn't pull away. Still very carefully, like I was touching a rare object. I wipe the tears away, pulling her chin up to look at me. "Where else am I gonna go?" I asked softly.

She bit her lip trying to hold back the tears. I let go of her chin, though I never let go of her hand, and neither did she.

We stayed in silence for a while not trusting each other with words. Though I was surprised no one came out to kick us out. Maybe they were being a nice, and letting us solve our problems. Or maybe they were just to chicken to come out, and see if we had killed each other.

"You know", I said really softly not trying to scare her. "It doesn't hurt to…you know…move on."

I was expected another yell, but instead she gave me a humorless laugh. "Oh just move on! Just like that!"

"It doesn't hurt."

She sighed, "Yes it does…Duncan was different… I didn't want to fall for him but I did…and most guys they don't try…but he did and he was the first guy who did."

I didn't expect for her to reveal anything to me, Courtney was just wasn't like that. But at the time I didn't mind. At the time I didn't realize it was the start of something else.

"And he challenged all my moves, it was something I hated and loved from him. He just always managed to get under my skin one way or another. That's when I fell harder in love with him. So when…Gwen…came around I knew it was something. She was like him…she liked everything he liked…did everything he liked…it was only in a matter of time till-"

She stopped not trusting me with her gaze she kept her eyes on the table. "My parents always taught me you either win big or go home. And home was for losers. And I knew I was slowly losing him…so I tried harder." She shuddered, "I tried so hard that I was losing myself through the process…now…I driven so far to where I lost him…and everyone else…I tried so hard that I…I don't even know who I am anymore."

I squeezed her hand I didn't know what I could do. Courtney hated pity, and I wasn't going to give that to her. "Maybe", I grunted trying to clear my voice. "I know it hurts. Trust me I've been there. I drove myself crazy as well just trying to keep what I had. That I didn't realize I was scaring Gwen…and that I was being obsessive to the point where it was driving me mad and I didn't know who I was anymore." I pulled her chin up to looked at me. I _wanted _her to look at me she needed to hear this more than anything.

"But life goes on Courtney. You make mistakes, and sure you regret them. But then you find a way to move on from them and live your life. No one's perfect Courtney."

"But my parents they want…everyone…I _have to be _perfect-"

"No you don't Courtney. Look at it this way. When you move on, you move on to other projects. Something that suits you. You just have to be Courtney."

I thought my speech was great till she got up and left the shop.

She didn't show up till a week later, and boy was I surprised.

She looked different, not quite her normal self…just different, and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

She showed up at six' am in her usually corner, though this time she didn't wear the hood. She didn't wear her normal grey sweater either. Instead she put on a tight fitting blue shirt, something that Lindsay or Heather would wear. She wore a black skirt, nothing too short, but nothing too long it was an enough to immediately draw you to her slender legs. She also wore make-up, a little too much then usually. I was just used to seeing her without make-up, to have this catch me off guard. So far as appearance goes she looked great, maybe even happy. But you know what they say, never judge a book by its cover.

"Hi Trent,"

That caught me by surprise. She never spoken to me directly before, usually it was always me who did the talking first. But there she was sitting there looking great, and smiling at me…

I didn't say anything, knowing she catch on to my look. She smiled looking shyly away, "I've thought a lot about what you've said and your right. I should just move on."

I wanted to believe her, but something about her smile was just off. It looked like she forced it. Though for some reason I ignored it. Telling my-self it was always hard in the beginning. But Courtney is a great actress.

That's when hell started to break lose.

The first sign was something you didn't expect from her.

I found her once at the coffee shop, drinking, and eating as much sugar as she could. She offered me some which I denied. I told she should stop, but she just kept eating and eating them to where she was glutton for some trouble. She ran to the bathroom throwing up. I just stood behind her, holding her hair and rubbing her back.

The second sign I saw was no matter what she always said she was fine.

She said she was moving on, that it was okay to mention the ex's. But whenever, I said Gwen or Duncan's name. Her eye would twitch. I pointed it out to her but she always denied it. But it never stopped. Just one of their names and she would do some sort of reflex that looked too painful to do, or watch. So I stopped talking about them, but she insisted, but still every time. That eye twitch or a reflex, and you could tell she was in pain. I just think she had too much pride to give it up.

The third sign I kind of expected.

She watched a lot of couples walked by the coffee shop. Holding hands, and sharing kisses. And I knew she envied them. I knew she longed for what they hand, what she _used_ to have. That's why I held her hand. But I knew it wasn't an enough.

The forth sign was which I knew holding someone's hand wasn't an enough for her.

She had a new boyfriend, I knew because she told me. The first one only lasted for a month. The second lasted less – only for three weeks. And sooner, and sooner less and lesser long relationship till I realize she ended up doing one night stands. She never told me. But I saw it. She never talked about her different boyfriends anymore. Instead she seemed too tired, to do anything but sip her coffee. And text her next stand for the next night. Her eyes were shrunken and her body always seemed tense. I once tried to talk to her about it. But in the end it just came out wrong. I don't know why she needed one night stands. I just could never realize what she was lusting for.

The fifth sign was just too much.

She was getting greedy of all the attention she was getting. Her one night stands started to leave her gifts. She always came around with a new pair of earrings or a new purse. I hated it. This wasn't Courtney! This wasn't the girl I met, or the girl who revealed her darkest secrets to me! She thought she was getting everything she ever wanted. But really she was being mistreated. The Courtney I knew wouldn't put up with this sort of treatment! She asked of what I thought of her new dress. And I said, it was short an enough a prostitute would wear it.

The sixth sigh she didn't talk to me for weeks.

I guessed I deserved it by the comment I said. But I had an enough. She was being used and mistreated by other men. This wasn't the CIT I used to remember, she was turning into a…something I don't want to say. And I couldn't watch her do that to herself. She didn't come back to the coffee shop in two weeks. That's when I started getting worried. I tried to look up different places to where she might be staying. Or her number in the phone book, but every time I called she would never answer.

Till one day she showed up at the shop. I was so happy to see her I immediately scooped her up in my arms apologizing for the comment. She scowled me for hugging her and accepted my apology. But something was different about her. Something I couldn't figure out. That's when I realized she only wore long sleeves around me. Curiously I grabbed her arm interrupting her speech, and pulled up the sleeved. That where I saw the cut marks. She was taking her wrath on herself. She immediately pulled her sleeved down and walked out the door.

The seventh sign was the last one.

She never came back to the coffee shop. To say that I missed her was an understatement. I was worried about her. She was cutting herself. It wasn't like one of Chris's challenges where either we came out alive or injured or almost dead. I couldn't take it anymore soon I became obsessed into finding her. I guessed that was my own demon. I knew I could handle it, and only allowed it to come out when it was needed, and this was needed. I called everywhere I could get a hold of. And still I got nothing! I was about to lose hope when I did something not too expected. I called Courtney's parents and they told me where she lived.

I was a pretty smooth talker, so when they asked who I was, I was quick to say the new lawyer Courtney hired. They didn't think twice about giving me the address. Once I found Courtney's place I knock on the door several times. Till I got impatient and open the door. The door was open surprisingly. The halls were dark, the tension wasn't helping either. I felt like I was in a horror movie just waiting to be killed. "Courtney!" I shouted, I kept shouting her name till I got the bed room. She lay on her bed asleep, with her arm bloody.

I immediately woke her up and stripped her down, forcing her in the shower. I didn't mean to be so rash, especially with the stripping, but I was too worried to even be caught up in paying attention to any of her body.

She didn't protest though, which was something surprising. Instead she told me to get out of the bathroom and wait for her to get changed. I waited for on her bed, nervous of the rant she was going to give me. Instead she came out in sweat pants wearing an over bangy shirt, her hair was still wet as she fell face first into the mattress.

She didn't say anything, and I didn't say anything either. Slowly like I was putting my hand in a fire, I drew circles all over her back. I just had to touch her. Just to make sure that she was okay, and that she was alive and right here with me. I expected her to yell at me. Instead she made a sound that sounded like a pleasurable sigh. She laid her head on my thigh closing her eyes, as I rubbed her back.

We stayed like that for who knows how long, till she grunted setting her head up. "Trent," She whispered softly.

"Courtney," I answered,

"We're not friends." She said,

"I know."

Silently she sat up looking directly in my eyes; I don't know what she saw there. But it made her give out another pleasurable sigh. "But can we pretend that we are?" She asked me so softly that for a second I thought she was an innocent lost child. Without another word I nodded pulling her closer to me. That night we didn't do anything but watch movies, make fun of each other, and nothing but have a really great time together.

Courtney wasn't alone, and I felt like I had _her _back.

But happiness can only last for a short time though.

The next morning she did something I would _never _have expected her to do.

I was about to leave her apartment, when she pulled me looking at me. In that small glimpse she was happy as she looked at me. "Thanks Trent." She whispered I knew she meant what she said. And without another word, she pulled me close for a kiss.

It wasn't anything huge, it was just a beck. It ended as soon as our lips met. But I couldn't help but think that maybe I could fix her.

But she never gave me the chance.

The next thing I knew I'm flipping through the channels and the newest headline is.

_Reality star Courtney Jonas died today of an overdose._

Turns out Courtney did more than just cutting.

I cried, but I wasn't the only one. I saw Duncan at her grave saying his goodbyes. I don't know what he said, but I knew by his looks that he still loved her. And I knew if he only knew the demons she was facing he would try at nothing to help her.

Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe if I took the time to actually study her more I could have fixed her.

But still…

Everyone faces heart break. Everyone faces their own demon.

My demon is that I'm obsessive and needy, but I knew that, I could handle that.

Courtney's demon is that she was running from her own demons. She let the past get to her, and couldn't let it go. She couldn't trust anyone that to tried to help her. She tried to ignore her problems instead of facing it. She kept her demons in her closet.

I knew we weren't friends.

But we could have been more.


End file.
